In both my business to business blog as well as my personal development blog, I’ve written about the secret to finding happiness.
The formula is simple: If LC=BP then you are happy.
Broken down, LC stands for Life Conditions, and BP stands for Blueprint. Basically, if you’re life conditions – how your life is right now – matches your blueprint – how you feel life should be – then you are happy. And any time your life conditions don’t line up with how you feel life should be, the result is unhappiness.
Is that a perfect equation? Probably not, and it can be debated back and forth all day long.
But here’s something I DO know, and something I’ve seen so many let control their lives. I know the Secret To Unhappiness.
In fact, this one simple little thing is, to me, so petty that I’m constantly shocked when it even comes up in conversation. Yet it seems to sneak it’s way into our lives all around us, and I’m telling you first hand that it’s making you miserable, it’s making you sad, it’s making you depressed, it’s making you feel unloved, it’s making you feel less worthy and it’s making you flat out unhappy.
First, I want to give you a few things to think about…
- You might get cancer.
- You might lose a limb in an accident.
- You might lose a loved one.
- You might lose out on a great job.
- You might lose your sight.
- You might lose your home.
- You might lose your financial security.
- You might lose the game.
- You might go broke.
- You might get sick.
- You might get cut off.
- You might get insulted.
- You might get ripped off.
- You might …(insert anything that could possible happen to you here!)
I know, that was pretty negative, but hear me out. This is real life, not a game, not a movie, not a novel. This is real flesh and bones stuff. This is real, unscripted feelings, actions and motives.
Shit is going to happen. You are going to have problems. The only people without problems are buried 6 feet deep.
The true, unwavering secret to a life filled with unhappiness is to expect life to be FAIR.
I know, that’s the least sexy word in the dictionary. Yet not a day goes by that I don’t hear someone whine “it’s not fair!”.
It’s not fair.
Someone who doesn’t work a day in their life is going to win millions in the lottery.
Someone is going to get pregnant on the first attempt while you struggle for months or years to conceive.
Someone is going to get the raise or promotion in your place.
Someone is going to live in a perfect house.
Someone is going to get let off easy over a traffic ticket.
Someone is going to have better parents, or parents.
Someone is going to get preferred treatment during a sporting event.
Someone is going to be born with physical qualities you wish you had.
Someone is going to have exactly what you want, crave and deserve without any effort on their part.
Life is not fair.
I think that as children we were – albeit with good intentions – taught that life should be fair. We’re told to play fair, share the snacks fair, and told that we need to lose something we earn to make things fair for the other kids.
But as we become adults, we forget that we’re not kids anymore. And in adult world, life is not fair. Other adults in this grown up playground do have toys you don’t have – and it’s not fair.
Life is NOT FAIR. And being hurt by unfairness is childish. .
I know, I know… but that’s not fair.
Here’s the thing: I’m not writing this so you stop wishing life was fair. I’m writing this so you stop being hurt by it. What’s not fair is that someone else’s actions or good fortunes affect YOUR happiness, your well being, your mood.
What’s not fair is that when someone does win it big, you spend the night in misery. That’s not fair to YOU.
Fairness is a zero sum game. And if you really want life to be fair, then you can’t be a hypocrite about it either.
- Someone out there has a disabled child, while yours are healthy.
- Someone out there has no shoes, while you have a closet full.
- Someone out there has no home, while you have a roof over your head.
- Someone out there has no parents, while you have one or even two.
- Someone out there has no eyes, while you have perfect eyesight.
- Someone out there was born without arms, while you have both.
If you’re going to complain that life isn’t fair when someone else get’s something you feel you deserve or should also get, then it’s only fair that you get rid of everything you have in order to make it fair to those below you.
But that’s ridiculous, because life is not fair. And the constant comparing is a major cause of stress and unhappiness in many people’s lives.
The sooner you can let go of the notion that life is NOT fair, the sooner you can lift that weight off your shoulders and be truly free.
When you stop comparing, you can be grateful and happy for others and in turn happier yourself.
The sooner you grasp at your core – and not just intellectually – that life is not fair, the sooner you can LOVE LIFE to an even greater degree.
And come on, it’s really not fair that others go through life filled with gratitude, happiness and an overwhelming sense of love for humanity and you’re pouting that life isn’t fair 😉
Life isn’t fair.
And I sincerely wish for you absolute unfairness. I wish for you an unfair amount of happiness. I wish for you an unfair sense of joy. I wish for you an overwhelmingly unfair feeling of self-worth and empowerment.
Life is not fair, so be happy for no gosh darn reason.
To your success,